the sky at night

The night was young. an ink-blue sky surrounded me. A coconut tree swayed to the tunes of a slight breeze. Soft wind hit me, the waves of which caressed by cheeks. A crescent moon decked the sky. Pure white light emanated from it, creating various shades of blue around it. Stars twinkled in an abyss of darkness. Some of them were bright, the others seemed hidden between the clouds.

Time passed. The moon had disappeared behind the clouds. Only shimmering stars, were left, the number of which seems never-ending. I tried counting, but lost track soon.

Having attempted to count them a few times, i felt lost amongst them.

with moist eyes....

That night, B was alone for the first time. She had to spend the night wihout the comfort of her mother's presence. As usual, B was roaming between my house and aunt's house.

Aunt's and our family stay in the same house, with a narrow strip of verandah separating, the two households. Thus, B flits between the two with utmost ease. She has been doing this since her birth. Before she learnt to walk, M, mother, and me carried her into my house.

Aunt was feeling sleepy and putting B to sleep was her job. Now B is a very stubborn kid. She is most active during the night, with father adding impetus. Even with sleep in her eyes, she simply refuses to sleep. That night at about 11 in the night, aunt tried her level-best. Realising that her mother(R) was absent, B searched for her everywhere. Visited every nook and corner of both the houses. B started wimpering, which yielded to hot tears running down those tender cheeks. M other went to help aunt, but was not successful. All of us were standing in the verandah. B refused to go near anyone. I put out my arms, and she willingly came to me. I sang her lullabys', spoke to her in hushed tones which soothed her, to some extent.

I thought that i had almost reached my goal, but she began to sob again. I went through the length of the verandah, pretending that we were on the look-out for R. Tired, and feeling utterly lost, B slept, while the sobbing ceased. My shoulder was wet with her salty tears. I continued with my lulling notes.

IAunt took her from my arms. Aunt went inside, lay her on the bed. Reaching my room, i let tears flow. Trying to hide my emotions before B, mother and aunt was a mammothical task. Tears which connected me to B. Those tears of anguish, despondence, made me weak.

Mother saw me and she related her experience, when she cried when M and i felt pangs of distress.

I lay on the bed, with tears wetting my pillowcase. I slept in peace.

This particular incident will remain fresh in my memory for all time to come. A moment in time when i gave B all i could give her, love and affection.

My eyes are moist. Moist with tears, of fulfillment.

Srik has tagged me. Thank you, Srik.

I suppose, i'm to talk about myself. My articles mirror my thoughts. Putting forth something else will be a difficult job. Here we go,

1. Of late, i've started to appreciate everybody around me, without a grimace on my face. Regarding the same, i'm grateful to my family, and my friends around me. Their thoughts, ideas have made me a better person. And for the endless talks that we've had.

2. M(my sister's) marriage left me torn. Those initial days, when i had to provide company to myself, adjust to a new environment, was terrible. At times, i still feel lost, but i'm able to cope with everything(well, almost).

3. One can term me weird. On the other hand, everybody is weird in some sense or the other. Unique in other words. Mother can go on and on about this. She considers me the weirdest person ever.

4. Drawing(and it's other forms) and reading is something that i do without fail. If i'm offered a novel, when there's a week for my exams to begin, i'd prefer the novel to my study material.

5. I like to watch the surroundings in silence. The green plants....the red flowers of the gulmohar... the crescent moon in an ink-blue sky. It makes my heart lighter.

6. B, my neice. I've seen her grow up. The kid to whom i sang lullabys.... whom i've fed... whom i play 'hide-and-seek' with.... I hope that she smiles, forever.

7. I believe in honesty, strong-will and hope.

8. Any amount of gratitude towards various things, people will not be sufficient. I'm really thankful for all that i've been provided with. I just hope that the future holds bright things.

Me and myself!

Of late, i've started respecting time, for it's benevolence. Time has made me make mistakes, blunders, both big and small. I shall always be grateful for time.

Time provided for oppurtunities where i could make blunders.... thus helping me correct myself... whereby i could speak to the people whom i like.... for amazing friends around me.... for those books which i've read a dozen times..... enabling me to pursue art..... by being there during chemistry exams where i could ponder over a derivation or an equation.....

It goes on.

Everything seems to diffuse into nothingness. Words laden with encouragement, support and hope flow around me. I wish to see light, with the kindness of time providing solace, in helping me realise my aspirations.

Anybody who has spent some time speaking with me, will realise two things. One, that i can go talking non-stop. Two, that i am loud.

Well, the above two defines me to some extent, but i'm trying to tone down on both. When mother asks me to speak softly at home, i reply back saying that there is nobody else apart from me who can create a racket. A home needs somebody to yell, shout, now and then. To break the flow of silence, which can appear monotonous. And in my house, i perform the job efficiently.

V at college, asked me if i could ever speak softly, she always insists on me doing that. Thus, i have to learn to speak softly, before i leave college. At the least, i have to remember to speak softly when she is around me.

Me, not chitter-chittering away is quite a reality now. At home and at college. Many a time, i maintain silence when required, and still am pulled up for speaking in class!

I guess, my lecturers at college refuse to believe that i speak a tad less in class. On the other hand, i think they prefer me to be so.(It's far-fetched, but it seems likeable!!)

Things are to take place, in my life. Concerning me and my further studies. Other big decisions have to be taken, of course. I'm speaking of the situation, till now. Everybody at home are tensed. M too. Why are my folks so worked up? Seeing the lines of anxiousness on their face, i'm wired too. Obviously with a-kind-of-charged-environment at home. M calls, puts new thoughts into father's head(which seem pretty weird to me). Thankfully i'm not impressed with her ideas. Otherwise i too would have gone bonkers, by now.

Father gets ideas(they do make sense) in the middle of the night, just when i'm getting to bed. We discuss, mother chipping in, with her view point. I'll think about it, make myself clear, say 'ahem' and go to sleep. At college, friends and i, again talk about the same thing. One positive aspect is that, we talk in a meandering fashion, and end up somewhere. This 'somewhere', does provide some relief to me.

I do not get anxious prior to almost any kind of situation. And i don't fancy seeing my folks worried. One simply loses the peace of mind, loses sleep, and what not. Convincing them that my future will good(especially to mother), telling them about my plans(a dozen times till now) consumes time.

Money-wise, mother is fidgetty. Well, since it shows on her face, father is also nervous. Pure science does not offer much. It applies to me all the more as i'm a biology student. Mother is already talking my earnings, if i'll be able to live a comfortable life.....

Thinking in retrospect, it's natural for them to be excited. Afterall, they are my parents, and mother moreso, as she is my mother.

I was unsure of things before. Now, that i've streamlined my thoughts limiting myself to particular subjects, i feel much better.

How i wish i proceed with a calm frame of mind! I just hope that, what i aspire for, turns out to be true. Till now, things have been happening, which are to my satisfaction. I think the same will, no, should continue(thus, i support, encourage myself)!

Inshallah!

flames of fire

The bus in which i was travelling passed through Nrupatunga Road. I was eager to reach home. B ought to have come to aunt's place today. It seemed ages since i saw her. I sat by the window, watching the buildings go by me, slowly.

A small fire was roaring, in one of the compounds. Perhaps, people were burning garbage. I sat, waiting for the obnoxious smell to hit me. Fortunately, there was no sign of smoke at all. Fire was burning at two different sites. Flames rising to different heights, at a small distance from each other.

At that instant, fire appeared beautiful to me. Something that is pure and divine. Various shades of orange, red, yellow.... synchronising into perfection. Flames aiming for greater heights. Leaving behind a mirage. That which creates an illusion with trees, plants, buildings.... dancing with flames. As the edges of flames so distinct, yet so invisible.

Characterising the sun as a ball of fire. A life-supporting entity. An immeasurable thing that makes us depend on it through time and again. Harsh and yet so, mild; fierce and yet so, soft. Devours fuel, in turn produces brightness. Accompanied by characteristic smells, which depends on the kind of fuel that it is fed with.

Striking matchsticks against the sulphur-strip, watching fire appear from nowhere. In turn lighting the surroundings. Lamps lit, the warmth of the fire on my closed eyes, on my arms..... Untill the heat becomes painful. Acrid smoke, brings me to reality, where upon i realise that the hair on my skin is scorched.

At times, lights which work on electricity fades into oblivion in front of a live, raging fire. The dusky spread of brightness, particles of dust moving at random. A diffusion of light and darkness. Each of which begins and ends at seemingly masked regions.

Fire is enchanting!

Of late, i've been wondering about the various ways in which my mind wanders. Mostly based on our capacity on rationalism. My talk, views on the ways, principles that leads us, has surprised me. Discomfort has never accompanied me in these thought-processes. With the daily exercise of discussing 'logical-thinking' at home, i'm at comfort talking about these. Me being hesitant, in letting me/others know about my views on the various matters bewildered me. I've had embarrasing moments(i guess, a few). But i've grown as a person, as a result of all this. Though those delicate instances are past me, they have had an impact on me. They've made me realise my surroundings, the people around me. They've also made me refine my beliefs and have also moulded me.

I've always believed that external appearances do not always show us the real material. It takes time for one to become familiar with another's ways. Does one meeting decide the personality of an individual?

On the other hand, does the opinion of another person matter? If my answer is no, one may assume me to be unreasonably stubborn, or even arrogant for that matter. But, again, not listening to other's views have made things easier for me, in studying something that i truly enjoy. What i mentioned might sound trivial, but it kind-of justifies my reasoning(?).

Is it necessary that i've to change for somebody else to accept me? Or do i have to prove myself, in this regard.....

It continues...

I left home for college today, in-a-not-so-pleasant-mood. My head was heavy, and i wanted to sleep, considering that i slept really late, last night. I reached the bus-stop, and waited for a bus which travels along my route for a pretty long time. After i got into one, i realised that today was the D-day. The Cauvery River Tribunal was to be awarded today. Police were deployed all along my route, considering that i pass the Vidhana Souda everytime (This point is repeated many-a-time, but, i feel happy on seeing the edifice, hence....)

Micro practicals proceeded pretty peacefully(which is rare). S came in late, saying that her bus was stopped for a check by the police, as they suspected a bomb scare. As time went by, others came in, saying that classes were cancelled, and everybody were free.

I was home by one in the afternoon, lazed around for some time, slept intermittantly for two hours. I got, up realising that i was hungry. Father, who had gone out to buy something came back empty-handed. Most of the shops were closed, except for a few drug stores. The television set at home was switched on, while various channels were surfed, showcasing a bit here, and a bit there. News reporters, struggled in carrying out their duties, interviews with relevant people, polls...etc were common place.

C wanted to go out, and i went along with her. Shops which usually milled around with people, wore a deserted look. With shutters half-open, employees enjoying the unexpected free-time. Children playing on the roads, cricket here, batminton there... with shouts of glee accomanying the games. It was a rare sight, the streetlamps lighting the darkness of the night, young kids walking.... shouting, with a carefree attitude.

Tomorrow will come and go, a holiday for us. Riots will perhaps, sprout in the city. Somebody injured....... we'll huddle in front of the T.V....

I continue with my schedule...

mall culture

Malls in Bangalore are relatively new. With just a handful, and a few slated to make an appearance in the near future.

Malls, with multiplexes are termed as exciting places, where shopping, eating... can be carried out under one roof. Teaming with people, notably youngsters, an expansive food court which caters to many a taste bud. With the city playing host to BPOs', the IT industry.... money comes easily. The weekend trend also seems to have begun with malls. Friends, families spending weekends together, in malls.

I've visited most of the malls, in the recent past. They appear fun, for the first-timers. The lights.. the luxury environs... the sights and sounds. At the same time, it sounds mundane. With the same brands.... the same shops.... the same crowd.... I'd rather prefer Forum solely due to the presence of Landmark. Garuda Mall - i didn't find it interesting, and about Sigma Mall, there's nothing to talk about it.

On the other hand, i prefer strolling on M.G. Road and Gandhi Bazar Main Road. These places are somewhat pleasant, subdued in their own ways, even though they are crowded. Probably because i know these streets pretty well. Those familiar stores, the familiar cart which sells peanuts.... the book-seller from whom i purchase second-hand Robin Cooks'.

Update: I've uploaded a few more of my works on MS-Paint. It appears as a sidebar.