Sunday, August 20, 2006

A friend talked about Karan Johar and Ekta Kapoor.....and their attempts on film-making on a lonely island. No....it is not about a lonely... boy...a girl story...which ends up in invariably in sex. They come up with a stroy....which will be a blockbuster.... as always wooing the offshore indians. And here it is:

First things first...... the island....should be associated with America....and Johar loves that country....always shoots his films there.

Second, it should be a multi-starrer.... simply because Kapoor loves a complicated plot....which can run over through many years...even though the meaning and the story-line is lost.

A is seen walking in New York city...... with a poker-face.....trying to find a new love. He remembers his old college classmate, B. She was his best friend.... she was the one with whom he fought and patched up everyday. A sad song..... with a depressed A....successful in making the audience shed a few tears.

B is married now..... leading a happy(?) life with her husband....somewhere in the US. How nice it was..... during those times........ a flash back.......with young A and B (both are in their mid-thirties....they hardly pass as youngsters.....never mind...it is a Johar movie)... pulling pranks on the English lecturer.

News came in that B's husband is suffering from heart disease.....and life had become difficult for the former. B performed various pujas' at all possible temples that could be located in the country..... she performed various vratas........ she asked her astrologer to check her jataka (kundali) in hindi....in vain...... a problem surfaced which was not noticed earlier. Another flashback....another song....B and her husband are seen dancing in the rain.... in India right after their marraige......and the husband flops down. B is seen crying.... screaming for help...in her wedding trousseau.... with water-proof make-up. The next moment she realises that she is dreaming...... and lo.....her wedding is still going on....she is going around the sacred fire..... or is she??

At the hospital..... B is beside her husband.....C who is recovering from a by-pass operation on his heart. He had lost his conciousness on the dance floor..... actually he was not supposed to dance...but what to do....the music was so good.... and above all.... B was with him..... how could he not make her life happy..... afterall he was her partner for life. A sings a sad song...... relating her sob story to God.

Few moments later, B is frantic...... C escaped(?) the hospital. Fast forward..... B is shown living happily with A. How nice it was...to be loved by somebody after experiencing years of loneliness. A was in a good job...earned a good sum..... took her to chic parties....where others envied the pair. How wonderful it felt when your beloved terms you as sexy everyday... irrespective of the layers of rouge....on the face.... with 6 sessions of botox treatment.

Fast forward....... B is sitting at home watching tv....... when the Indian national anthem is played. She calls her son's mobile who is college.... to respect the national anthem by standing where ever he was. The son.....D plays Romeo....in the play.....Romeo and Juliet. He is disturbed since morning....... E who plays Juliet is the daughter of C.....who he later learns is his mother's first husband. D teasing E.....and vice versa....of course ......in the form of a song. Both fancy each other....that is D and E.......who are always dressed stylishly....... irrespective of the fact that it does not suit them. Each have a large fan-following...... trying to do menial jobs for their role-model(?).

E visits D's house...... takes a look at D's mother and runs out of the house..... suddenly. D faints at this..... strange behaviour of E........ but substantiates the untimely run on learning the identity of E.

Flashback....... fast forward.........again a flashback.... and a fast forward again. The movie ends with B and C.... in a hug...... at Times Square. Fast forward...they are on their deathbed...... in fact already dead...... lovers cannot be separated on their deathbed.

On the other hand........ A realises his fault...... and gets D and E married. Fast forward....... E and C....lives happily ever after. They are in Times Square......narrating a spaecial story to their children.

End.

Name : Kabhi C, nahi to A. The title sticks to the norm.... Johar and Kapoor always title their products starting with a K.

The film also follows the respective rules...... New York is a must..... with fancy attire... regardless of the age..... and the outcome. The kundali is mentioned.... it being the turning point. Appearances.......disappearances.....of atleast one character. Expression of patriotism. Tears are shed in litres..... including those of the viewers'. A complicated story....... with a few song sequences..... with dull music.

Result : A happy(?) audience..... pouring out of the theatre with wet hankies.....giving their views on the movie to a news-correspondant. A news channel is seen talking about the movie..... keeping in mind... the combined effort...... through the length of the day.

9 comments:

Suhas said...

u simply don't like karan's movies...don't ya ?? and i thought his movies were tailor-made for the typical girl with hanky with an 'awwwww' expression !!
yeah...i hate him too...first i thought he had potential...now i'm sure he doesn't have any

Shiv said...

Mouna !!!
I'm ROFL..can't control it..

If by chance KJ & EK read this story, they will surely invite you to be there permanent story writter :)

Oh ho..it is awesome plot and it does justice to both KJ & EK camps.But I guess there should be more saas & bahu angle to make it more EK style.

>in her wedding trousseau.... with water-proof make-up
hehehehe..u shudn't hit so hard on poor makeupman :)

I would give this story a rating of 5 stars, if only it is not made a movie :-D

PS:Please save the world by making sure that KJ/EK dont see ur blogs !!!!

mouna said...

suhas....

i guess even boys come under the category.... u know the types who like the typical masala sorts... u got it right.. i hate his stuff...]

shiv...

thank u, thank u......

as u said....a movie out of this story would be outright crap.... though the outline itself is rot...

i can consider to provide myself with another career oppurtunity... :)

as for the saas-bahu angle...i wanted to... aadre...i guess i lost patience...

i can't believe that i did this.... must have been out of my mind.....

Shiv said...

Mouna..

No definitley it is not out of mind..though it digs it is good read !

No harm i having a good & healthy poking in the ribs...right!

Did u see KANK :)

shakri said...

LoL. Have you considered shooting this idea as a 'work-in-progress' to KJ and EK? I am sure they will have some interesting insights into this one.

Good read. Amusingly true.

Keep writing. Keep lighting.

Arun said...

...if only you had a Johar or a Kapoor or a Bansali as your second name...:-)

mouna said...

arun,
u think so? ;) i wish otherwise.

Bit Hawk said...

Amazing story! Make sure KJ does not read your blog and get inspired to make yet another mindless extravaganza! :D

mouna said...

bit hawk,
i consider myself warned in this regard ;)
hope KJ doesn't read this, ever!