Tuesday, July 11, 2006

To Expect and not to expect

The comfort that i get from speaking to another person is endless......it screams care and love. Vowing not to speak to my parents over a petty fight....was a thing of the past. Realising that it's never possible...... and requiring somebody to correspond to....has in fact, posed a number of questions.

Tending to associate every incident with my sister......has left me sad( I know that i've mentioned this umpteen number of times)....but has been fruitful.....this time.The effort that has to go in this direction is magnanimous.

Recently...i used to remember her very often.....the way we used to fight....the movies that we saw together....the time at Bharathiya Vidya Bhavan........the celebration.....when i got a 90% in my first semester at college......

Struggling to forget it......is desparate. Relating it to mum and dad is just impossible....it makes them unhappy. That's when i sought out to friends....the Yahoo Messanger always seemed to be blank.....calling others......and then i stopped.

Does anybody miss you...as much as you miss the other? Is it right.....to constantly rely on a person.....without taking into account.....what that person's feelings' are??

Expecting.....and accepting.

I guess...it is better not to expect anything.....than to be dissapointed at the end. I never thought that my birthday would turn out to be interesting.... but.....was surprised to see some friends call and wish me.

Accepting things as they are...i do not feel odd...when Chetana...or Rashmi...call home intending to speak to me....even though they are my sister's friends and i barely know them.
The affection that Aarthi, Pooja.... Rashmi's mum pour towards me is enormous. But, what after now? when Rashmi gets married this December....when i leave Bhavan.

Hoping that they are replaced by somebody else is my sole hope....from whom...i receive the same joy and gladness.

Afterall.....is it not hope......that leads us through a journey called life.

Putting thoughts onto paper.....is difficult......i don't know how far i've succeeded. In case you term this piece as 'utter nonsense'...... do not worry...i too agree with you!!

6 comments:

Shiv said...

Mouna,
What you are undergoing is quite natural.I guess everybody gets comfort in speaking to somebody, where somebody can be anybody.

It is also natural that persons with whom we correspond often tend to become close or appear to become close.Thats fine..

But along with the comfort & closeness we get, it is wise to be ready to accept the departures.

Life just moves on and we too need to go with it..

My understanding after undergoing what u told so vividly in this post is that just be a river..keep flowing..never be a lake..

Suhas said...

i'm not telling this sumne... i have been thru those same lanes... thinking of all those ppl with me today who make my life amazing... thinking that one day they are gonna go away... and then i'll have to look for someone else to depend emotionally... or else end up lonely !! But what I did realise is, that its no use worrying abt future(s) of relationships today... coz u can never predict 'em... it just doesn't happen the way u think it will... what's more practical is enjoying now, giving 100% to every relationship that matters... and just move on... frankly i'm not good at giving advices, but i feel nothing in life is so bad that we have to break our heads abt it

mouna said...

ya.....aadre.....yenu maaDOdu....it's very difficult...the past few days have been terrible..... u just cannot let go of the past.....yelli hodrenuve swalpa..nenapu...irutve... one tends to feel lonely....i know i'm harping on the same note..... i don't know...yeno aagutte...addana accept maaDabeku...there's no way out!!

mouna said...

shiv
vivid or not....thank heavens....at the end of it...i could not make any sense of this particular post....seriously!!

Anonymous said...

U cannot replace a person who has brought so much joy into ur life...it maybe ur sister ..or a friend..and hoping to do so would make it even worse...give a place of their own...which would make a better difference.....yes...memories do keep appearing...and so are called memories...but not to cry ..but to cherish..anyways its life...and 1 more factor which never comes into picture is ...whether the other person is happy or not...and so the saying...the other side of the grass is always green ......

mouna said...

anon,
u talk in a positive manner. yes, probably i was wrong in the usage of words. well, i guess, i was dissapointed with various things when i posted this article. with the passage of time, i am aware of many things. i've realised a lot, and most of them, is penned by you.

the grass is always green on the other side. THANKS A LOT!